Friday, January 29, 2010

A few of you have asked about my sister lately... Hermana is in kind of limbo at the moment—too old to continue in her small school and with parents not convinced of what her next step should be. She is to stay in her bucolic day school for a few more months and then—well, then is the question. To which there are some answers and plans but none that I feel sufficiently confident will actually happen.
The subject of my sister is of course a difficult one. Even though I have had several years to adjust to the idea. The reality that her life will be so different from what I might have hope for her is a bitter reality that I doubt any of us have truly faced. There are key times when I am confronted with it and this month may be one of the most difficult. Hermana should be heading off to college at this moment. While it is possible that she would have made the northern migration most of us chose to go to college next September its equally likely that but, she would be attending University at home. She’d be feeling nervous about starting college and relieved that the pressure of choosing her course of study—a rather difficult choice for someone in their last year of high school—was over. I wonder whether she would have succumbed to social pressure and been the first of us to study business or if she would have followed her love of music and followed my brother’s path. I suspect the latter but there is no way to tell really.
Part of me focuses on the fact that she certainly seems happier than the rest of the women in my family. I am not sure why, because when I speak to my parents as well as my aunts and uncles, I don’t get impression that they have lowered expectations or some other chauvinistic conception of the world; however it must be said that all the women in my family have difficulties that our male cousins don’t seem to have had. Hermana is blissfully free of that at least. Her adolescence was a million times happier than mine and I suspect easily happier than all but one of my cousins. My fear should be that she may not always be as happy as she is now. But all my regrets, lately, are of what might have been. Hermana laughing with her friends outside of the university, complaining about the classes she needs to take, despairing that there are no boys worth dating in her class…
The first time this melancholy swept across me was a couple of years ago, I was brushing her hair and I realized we would never have the kind of sisterly relation– a kind of pastiche of Hollywood recreations of sisterhood no doubt—that I had somehow unknowingly absorbed or imagined. So my regrets are largely selfish ones what I won’t see her do, what I won’t hear in telephone conversations, what we won’t share and that is my consolation: the fact that her regrets seem few, that, although I know she wishes she could all the things that other people do, she seems happy and is surrounded by the people she loves or perhaps more remarkably, has learned to love all those who surround her. Would that we all had that talent.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Gabriel Orozco: Samurai Tree Invariants and Karl Jenkin's Concert for Peace

Two ways to pass the time; one making me wish I was safely home working on my dissertation.

These really have nothing in common but I am combining them in one post. On January 18th I went to see Concert for Peace – Celebrating the Spirit of Martin Luther King, Jr. which was comprised of two works by Karl Jenkins. I listened to a couple of minutes of Requiem on YouTube; and since I enjoy chorale music and I am not that picky, it seemed worth attending.

The music itself, I suspect, isn't too bad. But my goodness the videos that accompany it were more awful than I could have ever imagined. I mean truly, truly, amazingly awful. Footage of what looked like carnival and people playing with poi and dressed up as devils for the Dies Irae should have clued me in, but I tend to be hopeful so I braved through film and close ups of Rose windows and stained glass when the choir was singing about Jesus, grateful indeed that I never studied Latin and could close my eyes and just listen to what they were singing without having to understand the doubtfully stupid things that were being said. Then it was time for The Armed Man which was the work I had found reviewed and what I was looking forward too. At first the video seemed a bit better; there was historical footage of soldiers going to war, military parades and people building bombs all sped up or slowed down with to the tempo of the songs-- a bit literal its true but acceptable. But then they added recreations I think the Napoleonic Wars, and maybe the War of Independence intercutting that with images of the S.S. just feels weird. It made me squirm in my seat and look away. I know I should have kept closing my eyes and looking away but the thing is that when there is video its almost impossbile for me to look away no matter how awful I am a bit like my cat Kala when she sees a fly, my eyes keep going back again and again even if I know what I see will torment me. Well, just when I thought it couldn't get worse there were images of the World Trade Center falling down while the choir lifted their arms shook their hands and made some sort AHHHH or Ohhhh sound. The work was composed before 2001, which means that they actually had to decide to add this later. That someone thought this was a good idea actually, gives me hope for my future; although not much for society. Clearly, remarkably stupid people succeed all the time, so why not me?


In direct contrast to this horrible even was last Sunday's visit to the Moma.

We didn't have much time and really only saw some of Orozco's work. I loved Samurai Tree Invariants, at first I just thought it was passingly pretty. A room filled with variations on a theme. But as I looked at it my mind began to try to figure out the rules that were being followed for each change o f the image. All of a sudden I understood how it could be that there are almost an infinite amount of variations in chess. This is something that Nane always refers to but I never could really believe--I mean I knew he wasn't lying but I could get it until I saw this. I walked around figuring out some of the rules used and trying to guess what the next image would look like. When I dold him it made me think of chess, he beamed and said he was thinking hte same thing. It turns out so was Orozco although in a more precise way when we read the description on our way out he said he was influenced by the knight's movement on a chess board. So there you go, nice to know I was on a the same wavelength as the artist but I won't be winning any prizes for originality. The thing is, since the mind loves to to see repetition and discern patterns I suspect that almost anyone would love this work. It would be really fun to take a child to experience it. When I ran a children's program at museum many years ago, this was the kind of piece that you could play lots of games with...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


I may be the slowest knitter ever because not only am pretty slow with the actual process, I make lots of mistakes, decide that I am not going to fix them, then change my mind tear out hours of work and fix the mistake; i also get distracted and stop knitting for weeks only to take it up again. At the moment I have a cute vest for a baby boy that I was making for a friend but I forgot to finish it and now am only missing one shoulder (that 's right not even a sleeve, but a shoulder for a six month old--so about 1 hour of work.) of course the baby I was making it for is almost 1 now so it's on hold until I find another child to finish it for.
So, I say all of this because here is a finished object, not only is it finished I actually mailed it off on time for my aunt to take it with her when she goes to see her first grandchild. Andrea Sofia was born yesterday, which coincidentally is the day that I finished her sweater. So here you go littlest cousin! Happy Birthday Andrea Sofia; we are all so excited that you have come into the world and felicitaciones Juan Pablo and Laura se que seran padres maravillosos.

Saturday, January 16, 2010


Donate to Send Disaster Kits to Haiti


Enough said. So many of us in NY know people in Haiti or at the very lest people from Haiti but even if you don't you have to acknowledge that this is one tragically unlucky country. Occupied by Spain, the US and France, overrun by dictators and death squads that are of course supported by the US , suffering disproportionately from AIDS and yet largely overlooked when it comes to any kind of significant international aid, Haiti has suffered beyond belief. It starts with the French-who may compete only with the Belgians for absolutely the last people you want colonizing your country (and let's face it that is a tough competition to win) and continues with an earthquake that has caused the death of maybe 200.000 people.

Haiti is consistantly ignored Latin American countries even though this tiny country was one of the first nations to send Simon Bolivar help in fighting the Spanish. In the US, Haitians have a terrible time immigrating and legalizing their status. Even though their situation and history is not too different from EL Salvador's for example they haven't qualified for Temporary Protective Status.

The Earthquake changes this a bit and it looks as if the US may start granting some kind of TPS based on the disaster. That should help. But a more immediate thing you can do is donate to help send disaster kits to Haiti. Each kit has a weather resistant 10 person tent, a cooking stove, crayons for children, and basic tools.

Because it sucks when you don't even have a tent to live in.

If this isn't your thing consider giving money to the Red Cross or Medecins sans frontieres

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Is It Weird to Hope You Have Swine Flu?


I am sick. Really sick. My arms and legs hurt, I can't breathe through my nose. I have a light annoying fever that's not high enough to kill anything off. I have of course googled swine flu and flu vs. cold to figure out what I have. I have no idea it could be any of the three. Hoping it's the oink oink flu though because then I'd be inoculated; right?

Anyway it reminds me of when parents sent their children to get the measles and what not from their neighbors, but I am hoping this is the swine flu or at least some kind of flu so that my pain is serving some sort function. I mean I work with immigrants from all around the world everyday right, my building is like a little UN of germs so having one of the flus should be a good thing.

The really awful part? I have gone to work everyday. I know. I went on Monday because I had no choice; but I had enough time to call in sick today but the money I'd lose stopped me. I have done what I can-- using the alcohol hand wash compulsively and trying to breathe on people as little as possible. I don't want to infect my coworkers and I really don't want to infect all of the immigrants because most of them can afford to miss work even less than I can, and they rarely have insurance either. So I feel evil. I'm going to work tomorrow too-- now my excuse is that I 'm on the mend .

What do you do when your actions absolutely don't coincide with that little ethical voice inside you? Apperantly I ignore it compulsively.
Oh yeah and so far ZERO work on the big D this week.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010


Frustrated, I jump up and down. I move even faster but I can't get the the step right.

There is a short, sporty-looking Japanese woman yelling "Go, go, go. Faster. Go. Now! Lift your legs higher. In the back higher." Even, the soft lilt of her accent cannot make the orders that she fires out any less threatening.

Threatening, because, as anyone who knows me is painfully aware, I am not a dancer. There is no way I can keep up with these bizarre instructions. But this isn't dancing, so I persevere.

Jump, jump, jump, jump left, jump right leg in, jump left leg up, jump right leg out, jump right leg up, jump right.

Did I mention there are hand movements related to all of this?
I live in fear of landing on the springs; or could I somehow land on the trampoline to my right? On top of the woman next to me?

I have been taking this mini trampoline class once a week for a while. The idea was to have lower impact activities in between the days that I jog to give my knees a bit of a rest. I don't actually know that my knees need rest, but since they are sensitive it seemed like something I might try out.

The nice thing is that since it is a class there is no asking myself "Haven't I done enough? Can't I just go home now?" The class starts when it starts and, well, I won't compound my inability to follow even the most basic instructions by being the one who left early.

It certainly gets my heart rate up although whether its out of fear or exertion I cannot say.

So I return the next week. Hoping that I am somehow bouncing my way into better health--and few less inches in a few key places.

But there is something about 40 grown women jumping on tiny trampolines to fast paced horrible music that makes me cringe. It seems so synthetic.

That is of course because it is. Unlike running, something we did before we even human. Biking, a practical invention, is not natural but seems completely reasonable. Ice skating is a smart response to ice, you no longer fall and you're faster.
Trampolining is a bit more suspect. If graceful, like synchronized trampoline (yes its real and an Olympic sport) it's strange but somehow imbued with a kind meaning. but that comparison just makes this class even more depressing, as it's devoid of flips and pirouettes and all takes place on what looks like a kiddie version of a trampoline--and aren't trampolines already for kids. That said I am taking it again this week...

Monday, January 04, 2010



The holidays are over.

Now all that awaits us is two months of bitter cold. I haven't been jogging in ages; I keep telling myself I am going to do so but the cold makes me wimp out. So how have I been wasting my time? Well amazingly I have done some work on my dissertation. Mostly just enough to make me stress out at how much is left to be done.

The farmer's market is depressing. I picked up some mushrooms, potatos and sweet potatos, carrots a couple of greens-but I doubt there will be any next week- and some beef. Couldnt find milk, eggs or chickens.

I have still been making bentos: today's featured dried shitakes,lentils, carrot and kohlrabi salad, miso spinach, spicy pumpkin and a turnip gratin in a muffin cup. Yummy.
Kala Vs. Fred



We have two new electrodomesticos in our household: a vacuum cleaner and a humidifier. Appliances would perhaps be the English equivalent, but I am not sure a humidifier is an appliance. To say that they are electronics makes them sound more technical than they are.

Both are pretty. I have to some extent chosen form over function. But I have been pleasantly surprised that I am not feeling any of the ramifications of the choice. Could it be that form has followed function in this instance?

I can't recommend the vacuum enough. It is always charged, has no cords and no attachments to fiddle with Simple and nice. It's called the Kone-- my only complaint about it is the cutesy spelling of its name. It's the perfect supplement to our roomba as the kone will clean sofas and those places the roomba can't reach.


BUt more fun is Fred, our humidifier. It's easy to see why they gave it a human name it has a sort of anthropomorphic feel even though it looks more like a fifties flying saucer. Our Fred is red, and more importantly has cured me of my painfully dry eyes and itchy skin. One added plus is that Fred entertains our cat Kala.